PEEP a Story of Cause and Effect

To start,  I am Tom, your guest host for this edition of My Funny Family. I am number two in the sibling order of the eight; or, for the Star Trek people 2 of 8. I am the formerly displaced Iowan that successfully escaped Florida. I retired and am embarking on a new career with the Ford Motor company. Well enough of my intro.

Growing up with eight brothers and sisters you had to have a sense of humor. We all have the Schell humor gene and I always felt I got maybe a little more of Dad's sense of humor. That was fun most of the time but it had some drawbacks that weren't fun at times. The following story is one of the many events of our life in a larger family unit. None of the names will be changed to protect anybody...  enjoy!


Let's start with our cast of players:

• Bill Schell, the Father and administrator of discipline
• Steve, the villain of this story. 
• Tim and Mike, minor roles and not so innocent bystanders. 
• And, Tom, the victim.

It was getting late in the evening and time for bed because it was a school night. Mom and Dad would start with "It's time for bed " or "Get back to bed it's late". That was our cue to go to the back bedrooms. All four boys in one room; and, at the time, Cindy in her room. The three youngest girls were not members of our cast as of yet.

Now having four boys in one room was a matter of necessity and at times a point of fun or conflict. We were in our room and talking and cutting up. We got a little loud and Dad made his first trip back in his role as the enforcer. We heard the floorboards creek and Dad poked his head in the room and he said "Shut up and go to bed it's late." So we shut up and went to bed......right. We were quiet for a while but the noise level built to a level that warranted a second, more stern warning. There went the floorboards again and this time the door was open all the way. Dad said, "Shut up and go to sleep and don't make me come back here again. I mean it."  OK we had better settle down and get to sleep... yeah right.  There we went again laughing and being boys. Nothing wrong with that... wrong again!  This time the floorboards had kind of a snap to them!  The door opened and this time Dad came in the room and we all got the "look" and the warning of impending pain.  He said, "If I come back here one more time, I'm bringing the belt.  Now get to bed!"  OK nuff said... RIGHT.  We shut up and all laid down for a couple of minutes.  There was just too much that had gone on during the day and we had to get our briefing to each other done.  Our volume buttons started to crank up and the floorboards sounded once more... damn!  There was Dad in the doorway with a stone face but thankfully no belt.  Dad was done with these trips and he said those fateful words, "If I come back here one more time, I am bringing the belt. I don't want to hear one more PEEP out of you.  Go to bed!"  Then it happened!  What possessed Steve to mutter that fateful word?  Why did he say it?  Why did he say the word "PEEP" for Dad to hear?  He wasn't that far out of the room.  He stopped and turned and there he was.  He had drawn his line in the sand and we  had crossed it.

Now I was the one with the quick comeback most of the time.  Mr. Independent.  Push the envelope a little.  But this time I was not the culprit.  Believe or not, I was innocent.  Really!

Dad came back and grabbed ME and delivered on his promise (no belt though).  It was as if time slowed down.  It was like one of those Sam Peckinpah films.  It seemed to be minutes instead of seconds.  I got a good old fashioned 1950's ass paddling.  I cried out, "It wasn't me.  It wasn't me!!!"  No chance... momentum had taken over.  Dad was on his mission to deal out the punishment.  I looked over and saw Tim and Mike in the corner of their bunk beds. Their mouths wide open and their eyes were as big as saucers.  You could feel their empathy for my plight.  Finally, it was over.  Dad's iron grip on my arm was released.  He said, "GO TO BED NOW!!"

Well we shut up and shuddered in fear.  Not much was said.  But then the hockey player decided to come out to exact a little justice.  With tears still in my eyes, I jumped out of my bed and started pushing Steve and asked, "Why?!" Whoops!   There was Dad again!  He grabbed me again and said, "I guess you didn't have enough the first time right?" Ass paddling Part 2 was in full effect and it was a  bit harder this time.  I could tell Tim and Mike were hoping "Please spare him, Lord."  They were wrapping themselves in their blankets thinking this may somehow discourage Dad from doling out more punishment if he had to unwrap them from their package.

If this had taken place today, it would have been a kinder and gentler form of punishment.  It would have been more of a negotiation.  First, Dad would have come back with, "I'm going to count to three. 1-2-3."  If a second trip was needed, it would have been the Timeout.  This is where I would be given a chance to go off to a designated place and reflect on my behavior.  Then comeback to talk about my behavior and apologize.  Then if I had crossed the line, I would have gotten the "This is going to hurt me more than you" line with a quick swat one time with the finger point and "Now behave."  I know I can hear you, Dad, "YEAH RIGHT. HA!"

So now it is in black and white for all to read.  The healing process can now begin.  This is easier than going on Dr.Phil.  So go out there and don't spare the rod and spoil the child.  There should be a cause and effect.  It has not diminished my love of family.  So, Steve, I forgive you, but I still owe you a PEEP.